My husband and I are bringing a 17 year old girl home in a little less than 2 weeks. Long story short, she is a close family friend's daughter who has been very close to me since she was little. Her parents have some.. issues to say the least and have never been very good parents to her. She has spent some time in the foster care system and in hospitals (she has anorexia, depression, anxiety, Asperger's). Anyway, it has been arranged that she come stay with us. I've had 2 boys, both are grown and out of the house, and even though I've known her since she was very young I'm nervous about bringing her home. I want her to feel as comfortable as possible, so that this is an easy transition. We are prepared on the medical side of things (talked to her doctors already), I guess it dawned on me that I'm taking a parental role in her life in a way. At 17 my own kids were a bit more independent (going out with friends, doing things on their own, not needing me all the time), but for her she still needs that 'parent.' She is home schooled so she will be with me all day and she is pretty needy. Besides when she is doing school work I'm not sure what to do with her. She doesn't have friends (and doesn't really like people her own age..)and doesn't like to leave the house much. Any ideas? I don't want her to get so bored at home that she starts to get anxious. Also has anyone had to switch into that parent mode to a kid after being more like an 'aunt' to them. How was the transition? What helped it go more smoothly? I guess any advice from one parent to another or anyone who has had to deal with this sort of thing would be really great right now. I'm not going to force her into activities and being with kids her own age. She has had it both ways (been really busy with activities and really social and then really isolated), and I don't think she was any happier when she had activities. Some people just don't enjoy being around others..
Mental Health - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I would advice you to make sure she has the proper care right away. The best way to help her is to get her out of the house and interacting with people her own age. Otherwise she's going to sit at home and that only worsens depression and keeps one's mind on things like suicide. Especially since she has aspergers it's better in the long run to get her out of her comfort zone. The worst thing for a child is to feel like a continual patient, the best thing is to move on. Try to get her involved in activities in the community that helps as well. Also a great therapeutic tool is horseback riding both for depression and for people with special needs. As far as the anorexia goes keep tabs on her eating but don't force her. Make sure you watch out for anorexia tricks though. As a recovering anorexic i know that we will always try to hide our disease. Tell tale signs are her eating alone or avoiding eating with others, if you see used dishes and you didn't see her eat make sure you check the garbage can because she could have "staged"a meal especially breakfast. And if it's possible with her condition to go to school, even a private school, it's usually best for the child to go to school if they're mentally capable so that they have interaction with people their own age. I hope this helps
2 :
I think you are a wonderful person to be doing what you are doing. I have attached some websites on anorexia, depression, anxiety and Asperger's. This will help you more understand the girl a little better and pick up triggers of what she might be thinking. Second of allI would find out what this child is interested in by taking her to the library and possibly picking out books that she might be interested in(hobbies and crafts). Then maybe during your spare time with her you could assist her in developing a hobby or craft that she can eventually do independently. I have a nephew who is has untreated Asperger's at the time and have learned that you have to be very careful of what you may state in front of him due to the fact he has the habit of switching the words around. Continue to go to her appointments with her to show her that you really care and are concerned about her overall well-being and you might want to develop a list of rules and regulation and household chores so she knows what to complete each day without feeling lost.
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