I don't believe anyone should have the right to tell you to get out of your child's life just because they don't want you there during their visits. People need to act more civilized instead of acting like little spoiled brats who can't have their way. That's the way my daughter's father acts and he wonders why I'm afraid to leave our daughter with him. He is very irresponsible and always starts trouble when ever he can. He also does not take good care of our daughter. She always returns sick and dirty after she's been in his care, but the courts won't listen to me since I can't get a lawyer of any kind. It's quite sickening how I have been treated by judges and how they disregard my child's health and welfare just because her father has a lawyer and he's good at lying. So what do you think? Should a parent be able to make the other parent lose precious time with their child just because they feel like it and not because they have a valid reason for wanting them to stay away?
Law & Ethics - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
no absolutely not i mean would you like to wake up one day and learn that you have a 10 year old child? that child wouldnt know you and its even harder to make a relationship after how many years so i definately think it is very wrong
2 :
In your case, YES. First, you keep his child away from him for half her life, but apparently, you believe that is a right to which only you are entitled. Second, you would obviously make an uncomfortable 3 some. So, your real question is: Why can't I make my ex (and my daughter) miserable when he is with my daughter? (Because it is not right.) Think about your your daughter as a person, not a weapon. She does not deserve to be a victim of your hate.
3 :
Welcome to the joy of our legal system. It sucks, period. Start documenting all the vists, you have the legal right to bring a tape recorder with you (video - leave it on the dashboard of your car if you wish), have an audio mini recorder in your purse, (you don't have to let the ex know you are taping by the way). Write down how your daughter was dressed, fed, and bathed when you dropped her off. Then write down her condition when you picked her up. Ask her on audio tape what she ate for dinner, did she have fun in her bath, etc.. non leading questions. Nothing like 'did daddy give you a bath?' (That's leading). You can also bring a wittness with you to the drops and pick ups. Want hubby to straighten up? Let him know why you have the wittness, and that you ARE taping and documenting the visits. You can after a few weeks or months (unless he does somethign serious) request (when you show the Judge and Social Worker your proof) that a social worker be present at visits with your daughter and her father. You can also make yourself look better by holding a steady job, keping the house imaculate, taking great care of your baby girl, enrolling her in an educational preschool, attending church (most Judge's believe it or not are Catholic, as are social workers).. Dont believe in God? Who cares, go to church anyway. Court wise it just looks really good on your behalf when you ask for something. (shows character) Document everything from stains on clothes, bruises, unwashed, dirty nails, teeth unbrushed, poorly made meals (non healthy), to much junk food, more illness while at Dad's, cat or dog hair on child's clothing, child seems more depressed, sullen, nervous, withdrawn, or emotional after visiting dad. Etc etc etc... Just make sure you only document the truth though. Don't try to fudge extras on the documentation just to get your own way. Some dad's are great father's even if they don't clean the kid up as good as a mom would. A good father loves his child, takes care of them within reason (food, roof over her head, own bedroom, buys her the basics at least as to what she needs, doesn't have a temper with her, etc). If she comes happy to you, take that into consideration. If she's happy with dad, then maybe just let it be. And even though you and him made the baby, he DOES have every right to tell you to hit the road when it's his visit time with her. He doesn't have to love you, want you, or even like you anymore just to be with his daughter. You can always tell him that you will call social services if she comes home sick one more time, or dirty. That might help him clean up the house, and his kid. He might feel uncomfortable bathing her also, be civial and ask him if bathing her bugs him. (since she's a little girl and he's a man, it bugs some dad's to bathe girls). Also as far as getting sick more at Dad's house, most people get sick when they go from point A to point B. Her body is use to the bacteria and germs in your house, but probably not in daddy's house. Plus she might see more kids over there who expose her to more colds and such. Just don't forget to look at the whole big picture before you try to ruin anyones life. Including taking her daddy away from her.
4 :
You need to let the father have his time with your daughter without you being there, and he needs to do the same for you. You can not control what he does unless he is outright bringing harm to her by abuse (verbal or physical), neglect, or molestation. Kids get sick, get over it. If he doesn't bathe her as frequently as you do, get over that too. His house, his rules. The same goes for your house. It stinks, and I feel your pain as I go through similar issues with my son's father, but I now from experience, lawyer or no lawyer, you will not win these battles in court. Besides, do you really want to keep the pot stirred up? Learn to relax and let things be. It will only make things better for you and your daughter. The more grief you give him, the more he will make life hard for you and your daughter. I know what I am saying sounds harsh, but I have been through 17 years of this and I know from experience. Please, it is so much better for your child if you understand that the court has awarded the father time for visitation, and they will uphold it even if it means getting a restraining order on you while she is in his custody. And yes, when parents separate, you will lose time with your child, right or wrong. Either turn it into something positive, like a character building experience for both you and your daughter, or your daughter will ultimately suffer.
5 :
It sounds like you are in some type of dispute. Speak to a lawyer or ask the court to appoint duty counsel. You have the right to some type of independent legal advice.
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