I am looking for both the answer to this question, and help with the process if possible. We have a 15 year old daughter who basically needs to move out of our home. From what I understand, she would not qualify for Emancipation as I don't believe a judge would grant it. If we can't find a positive way for her to leave home *AND* not be stuck with both parental/legal responsibility for her, we are concerned she may eventually become "
a ward of the court" and/or get pulled "into the system". She has already had a few brief run ins with "police" (for running away) and due some some "unhealthy" actions she was taking on herself, ended up in a "crisis mental health clinic" for a few days. She has always been a challening person, so this is NOT a simple case of a "troubled teen" or "teenage issues". She wont accept counseling(psychiatric) and you can't FORCE a minor in California to do so unless we declare her a danger. If we do the we (and herself) lose control over the situation. Bozema, thank you for your input. This situation is very complicated, I am in the process of seeking professional guidance regarding this matters, however each professional I come into contact with thus far "doesn't handle this particular scenario". We aren't trying to just "getting rid of her". We want to help her, but as we are in California, and she is a minor, she has more rights than we do as far as geting her care. She litterally will not do anything we want, and believe me it's not an unreasonable what we are asking, nothing different from what OUR parents asked for and she has made it very clear "she doesn't have to do anything we say" This has been stated in calm and clear discussions and in front of "psychiatric professionals" when she was in the crisis clinic after being picked up by the police but since that was only a crisis clinic, they couldn't pu her into a "program" and when she got out of that clinic, she declined further therapy and we can't do anything abot it. "giving her away" is not going to fix the problem, but if there is a chance that she will somehow "cooperate" with the other family, and go in a more positive direction, because she thinks/feels that she is now going to happy, that is better than court/system related choices we are aware of at this time. Yes there is someone who would be willing to do this, a family of a friend of hers thinks they can take care of her The reason we are now willing to see abot getting her out of our house is because of our 3 year old daughter. She of course is a sponge and she has been seeing and hearing things from her sister that you wouldn't want any 3 year old to go through. For the last year, we basically have not been able to leave ou 3 year old, with our 15 year old due to her actions and lack of concern/care for responsibilty and/or family life. She talks and acts in ways that you not want anyone to witness when we are "present" so it's not hard to imagine what she may be doing when we are not. This is NOT a decision we came to quickly/lightly. We have looked into boarding options, however we are not in a financial positiion to pay 30K and up, per year, simply because she doesn't want to cooperate with the basic "game plan of life" We are still looking for options such as boarding programs. Mandy, I greatly appreciated the majority of your input aside from the initial paragraph, but I understand where you are coming from. In this forum it is not possible to lay out the years of problems and attempts to correct and parent her properly. Unconditional love runs a little thin after years of abuse and anger thrown your way when you are doing everything within you means to better and benefit someone you care about. We have a lot of family and close friends who have been supportive over the years and have each contributed both directly and inderictly to/with her and have just come away in shock and as distressed as we are. Some general additional info here, I have asked this question in 3 different areas in order to get a broader range of input (aside from the negative B.S. / Attacks on us) and the reason for this as we have several different "issues & concerns" from various angles. There are legal concerns in several directions, us, her, and the family which wants to do this. There are adoption concerns as to if you can, or not and if so how do you go about it. Then there is the fact that she has had MentalHealth issues/crisis, and is currently taking Zoloft. Each one of these is a serious concern and has special needs. There has been a slight decrease in the negative attacks on us, and more support for the scenario, and that is greatly appreciated. Thanks again for all positive/helpfull contributions to this situation.
Mental Health - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
You can have someone adopt your child but it doesn't sound like you have anybody lining up willing to do that or to take responsibility for her until age 18. I'd be concerned that taking that action would alienate her from you even more and make her feel like you abandoned her, which would almost certainly make her situation worse. It's interesting that you won't declare her a danger to get psychiatric care for her because "you would lose control of the situation" but you would be willing to lose control by having someone else adopt her. To have someone else adopt her is giving up all control of the situation to someone else. The reality is you have responsibility for her unless you terminate your parental rights. Have you sought counseling for yourself to get tools you need to help you deal with her better?
2 :
Do you have someone in mind you want to adopt her or are you asking how to find someone who will take her without going through the system? I'm curious why you think simply making her someone else's responsiblity without getting her any treatment will help her.
3 :
Why does your fifteen year old "need to move out of your home?" She's your kid! You don't kick your kids out when they need help. You get them help. Or you at least deal with them. She's a child -- YOUR child. Parenting is supposed to be about unconditional love, not trying to get out of "being stuck with both legal and parental responsibility." If you are really wanting to go through with this, your options are limited. Unless you know of someone who would adopt her, your choices are that she be a ward of the court system (going into the system), you keep her with you and set and enforce serious rules, or you can send her to a residential facility for troubled teens. In the small town I grew up in, there was one of these residential facilities, that was actually one of the first of its kind in Texas, and is still one of the most respected ones in the US. We had a lot of kids come there from California, so I know the rules about forcing her to go don't apply here. Basically, there were kids, ages 13-17, all of whom had the same problems (and worse) as your daughter. They were drug abusers, violent, runaways, disrespectful, had psychological problems, had serious anger issues, and some were convicted of crimes as serious as attempted murder. It was strict, but a LOT of the teenagers I knew who stayed there really just completely changed their lives around. With this particular facility, I can vouch for the character of the founders and the counselors. I grew up going to school with the children of the founding couple, and also went to school with several of the counselors, not to mention, the teenage residents themselves. It's called Heartlight Ministries, in Hallsville, TX (about an hour west of Shreveport, LA and three hours east of Dallas). The link to their website is below. I know there's a long waiting list, but they're expanding their campus, and they could probably offer suggestions of other similar residential facilities. You may not be able to force her to get psychiatric help, but you could petittion a judge to order it. You can't. They probably can. And there is not an area in the US that would not require a person to get psychiatric help if they are a danger to themselves or others. Depending on what "unhealthy" actions she took that landed her in a crisis center, she would probably be considered one of those people who COULD be required to get help for that reason.
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