My father's health is going down hill, and we just found out today that he might have prostate cancer but we wont know till May 2nd. He has had to have two stents put in his arteries to his heart because they were 99% blocked and it was only God he didnt die then and there. I want my father to see my first child and to hold him/her but my husband does not want to have children for 3 years. Last night he said he would have children now because he loves me and thats what I want and he understands why I want one now. But I still feel bad because I know deep down inside he doesnt want one now. He said he would be very happy if I got pregnant and knows he will melt when he see's the child for the first time... he said since he loves me and that I mean alot to him he will do this for me... is it wrong to get pregnant even though I know deep down he does not want to but he says its ok because of the circumstances? I want his child so bad and so its not just my dad's health why I want one. Before my dad's health even started to get bad I have had baby fever very bad and have wanted one for a while. I grew up with only one grandparent and I dont want me to tell my children oh if you only knew your grandfather he was an amazing man, because thats all I heard from my parents about my grandparents who died before I was born. I am very very close to my father and I want him to see my child. Thats not wrong is it? I am very lucky I have a husband who understands and puts my first. He is amazing. I just feel bad in some way because its not exactly what he wants. I am the same with you Mum2be... my husband as well is sort of in denial about my father being sick. My father has enfazema and he has already had one heart attack from it and enfazema isnt cureable it just keeps getting worse. Thats why my dad's ateries are clogged. My husband's father just died about 3 weeks ago, and so thats why he does understand why I want children now because his father didnt get to see our children.
Parenting - 6 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I hope he fill better
2 :
Your dad wants you do to what makes YOU happy. Not him. If this time in your life isn't the right time to start a family, than don't do it. Wait till it's time. Because honestly, you could get pregnant and nine months from now your dad might not be here anymore. Just because your dad wont be able to hold your first child doesn't mean he won't be there. I'm sure he'd be happy knowing you had a child when the time was right, when both you and your husband were ready....than to hurry up and have one just because he was ill.
3 :
You know what? The timing may not be what your hubby had planned, but he sure sounds like an awesome guy. Take him at his word and, God willing, have a child. I think you'll be okay. And he's right... when he sees that little face, he'll melt like warm buttah. They always do.
4 :
i feel you there my father has mylofribrosis (bone marrow desiese) which leads to cancer, hes been sick for about 3 years now really bad since i left town 2 years ago, so i dont get to see the poor bugger much either which does not help at all , im 36 wks with my first and im so scared that my dad will never get to see/smell/hold his grandchild. he is getting worse and worse as the days go on i have visited as many times as i can as we are 1500km's away from my family. the last time i was there i was so upset with the way he looked i only lasted a little over a week there, it really scared me to see him like that, and i know my mother and sister see him everyday so i feel for them to its not a good thing to see someone you love just dissapearing like he is. because the big day is coming up soon i have found myself quite upset everyday cause i always think the worst as you do, i just want my dad to see what his baby girl has created b4 anything happens and that could be anytime. so i really do feel for you but i can not give any advise as im trying to cope with everything on my own at the moment , can talk to my hubby he is in denile about the whole thing he is preety close to dad as well, so everytime i bring it up we end up arguing. so i sort of dont say anything to him anymore he seems to think this is cureable but it isnt - it is non reversable- sorry to ramble so much but i do know what your are going threw i wish you and your family all the best - spend what time you can with them as they will not be here forever!!
5 :
I went through something similar with my father. My dad had always been a very weak person, constantly getting sick and running in and out of the hospital. He got very sick though in August 85. Me being his only biological child, I wanted him to see a biological grandchild and see me be a mother etc. My husband and I were both young and had only been married for a year. He wanted to wait another year or two before having kids, while I on the other hand did not. I come from a big family, wanted one of my own and wanted my father to see me raise them. I knew he wouldn't be able to see my kids grow up, but I wanted him to at least see and hold one of them. My husband agreed simply because he saw how much it meant to me. We found out we were pregnant in mid Nov and that the baby would be due in June. My dad saw me pregnant, saw ultrasound pictures, listened to me share my pregnancy experiences, discussed baby names etc. He passed away though on March 8, 1986. I was crushed that he didn't get to see the baby and extremely annoyed with myself for a number of reasons. A few nights before I gave birth though, I had a dream about my father. In the dream, I was sitting in the kitchen crying and my dad asked me what was wrong. I looked up and told him that I was upset that he wouldn't be able to hold or see my first baby. He laughed and said, "Of course I've seen the baby. She's a beautiful baby girl, but she's BALD as can be, Jen! She doesn't even have EYEBROWS or EYELASHES!" And in my dream I kept saying, Bald? A girl? And he said, "Yup..and she's going to be a rule tester, you'll see." My bald baby girl was born on June 3, 1986. I didn't think anything of it until I saw that she didn't have eyelashes or eyebrows. I cried then and there. We named her Jaclyn, after my father Jack, and she was a rule tester...loved to see how much she could get away with. So I guess in a way, he saw my baby. My suggestion would be to go with your gut feeling. I know this probably doesn't help you out much, but it's the best advice I can give you. You don't know where everyone will be 6ms, 1yr from now, so there is no right answer. Just remember that whether your father is there or not when you have your first child, have a little faith...he'll see your baby either way. I wish you the best of luck and you're in our thoughts and prayers.
6 :
As someone else said, your father wants you to do what will make YOU happy. It sounds like your husband is also ready for a child, even though he said previously that he wants to wait. If that's what you want, go for it. While you should have a child purely because you and your husband want one, I'll share a little anecdote with you. My in - laws' other grandchildren live in another state, and they don't see them often. Needless to say, they were thrilled when my son was born. Unfortunately, my FIL was diagnosed with cancer when my son was three months old. The prognosis was not good; it looked as if he only had a few months to live. I brought my son to see him almost every day in the hospital. The doctors and nurses said that it was really one of the best treatments for him, as seeing his grandson really lifted his spirits. Well, after a surgery to remove a large tumor, my FIL was sent home. Amazingly, he bounced back and went on to live another three active and fairly healthy years. Sadly, my FIL ended his battle with cancer last July. Right before the funeral, my MIL told me how grateful she was that her husband got to spend so much time with my son, as seeing his grandson was one of the things that really kept him going. I'm not saying that having a new grandchild will save your father's life. At the risk of being brutally honest, he might not live to hold your child. But I think you know where I'm going with this. I'm keeping your father in my prayers. Good luck.
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