My daughter Bella has severe asthma, her main trigger is cigg smoke and residue on people who smoke. We've been invited to her cousin's first birthday party, I was set to go until I realized her great grandmother will be there...Great Grandma is a pack a day smoker and will smoke during the party outside. Back in June of 08, it was 20 minutes of sitting in great grandma's lap that sent Bella to PICU for three days where she was formally diagnosed with asthma. I tried talking to our uncle last night and he thinks it's the smoke and as long as she's outside smoking, all is good. I told him repeatably that it wasn't just the smoke but the residue and he didn't get it. I told him I would offend his mother if I showed up and told her she couldn't come near the baby, not to mention we'd have to stay outside the entire time, he just didn't get it. I talked to a specialist this morning who said under no circumstances could we go. How do I make them understand that we aren't trying to dissassociate ourselves with that side of the family, it's just that Great grandma makes for a dangerous environment...What would you say? I am going to invite them down to visit us and go to the aquarium on the weekend of their choice, alternatively we could also head out to see them when Great-Grandma goes back to San Fran. (They live about 2 hours away) Alicia, Yes people everywhere smoke, but they don't all touch my daughter or stay within a few feet of her for longer than 1-2 minutes, it's people who touch and remain in close distance for 5 minutes plus that can hurt her. You obviously don't deal with asthma. Stay@- I've only met her 6 times in 8 years, it's his gg. She's very strict and insists everything is her way and she's right about everything, she WILL NOT, not smoke : / Her own children are afraid to question her... Just to be clear, We ARE NOT going, I just don't know what to say to these people...
Parenting - 11 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Tell them the truth. If they don't like it, oh well. Whats important is yuor child's health. People rarely don't understand that when it comes to my daughter's asthma either.
2 :
It is a very unfortunate situation for you and the grandmother however, your child's health comes first and if the doctor said so, well, then blame it on the doctor. You can not explain anything to stubborn people, keep that in mind always ! Tell the old lady: "the doctor said so and we all love Bella way too much, don't we?" There is no other way to put this. Be blunt !!!!!!!!
3 :
I would just tell them, plain & simple. "Bella is severely allergic to smoke and smoke residue. She will have a severe asthma attack and i do not want my daughter going through that again. I've spoken with her doctor and he suggested that we not attend the party for Bella's health safety."
4 :
Ask them if they can smell the cigarettes on great grandmothers clothes? When they say yes say that is what can KILL Bella. I am not taking the risk with her life good luck and stand up to them your child is more important than hurting others feelings A story that might help you explain for a tv documentary on nut allergies the reporter takes a nut allergy sufferer into a pub where no one was eating nuts and sit him so he can not see anyone in the bar after about 2o minutes he starts to have problems breathing and has to leave the reporter walks around the bar and finds someone who has opened a packet of nuts within the last few minutes , there was no way the sufferer could have seen or heard the packet being opened and the barman confirmed it was the only packet he had sold in the previous half hour.
5 :
Well you know, there is going to be cigarette smoke and residue on people all over the place..everywhere you go and she is not going to be able to avoid it ever. This sounds like something that may be a problem for her for her entire life. Sorry, but you can't expect people all over the place to accomodate your childs needs. I do understand as a mother, your concern is not the other people but your child. However, that being said, it is you and your child with the problem and you aren't going to be able to get rid of all the cigarettes and people smelling of cigarettes so you need to adapt. You need to talk to the specialist about finding a way your daughter can be around these people and not be affected. Maybe its a special med or special all around treatment or a mask or something, but that is what you need to work out. Thumbs down! Well I guess this lady must find a way to get rid of every trace of cigarette smoke from the world.,
6 :
They don't really have to understand it or believe it. You can keep trying to explain, especially if you value the relationships and you feel that this is hurting the relationships. But, in the end, if they allow their ignorance to ruin the relationship, was it really worth saving anyway? Would you want to maintain relationships with people who thought you were exaggerating or who didn't care about your child's health & safety? Are those really the kind of people you want to be spending time with? I remember my BIL's wedding, when my then 3yo milk-allergic son was the ring-bearer. He was across the room from me, talking to some teens from the other family. I saw them handing something to him & ran across the room, snatching m&m's out of his hand. They thought I was crazy. Some nutty mom who won't let her kid have just a little bit of candy... I don't care.
7 :
You just tell them that going to a birthday party is not worth killing your daughter. That's what I had to do when my son was young - cats put him in the hospital immediately. Being blunt is sometimes the only way to make people "get it".
8 :
okay icky situation no if ands or buts. have you talked to great grandma? what does she say? i get shes probably old and set in her ways but she can't be dumb, right? everyone who smokes knows its bad. can great grandma make an exception for her great grand daughter? i know my grandmother would give her right arm for my daughter. heck shed do it for me. i would have a heart to heart with her myself. im one of those people who think knowing such an extended family is important. maybe my own personal family makes me that way but i do. i actually have a picture of my daughter with her great great grandfather. how cool is that? if she doesn't see reason then she can't be as important as i'd like to think she should be. any reasonable adult should think of the child first, addiction second. my two cents. EDIT - oh that stinks. then you gotta do whats best for Bella. its sad that, that lady can't see past the end of her nose for her great granddaughter. but you know what its her loss, completely and totally. don't go at all. the others should still understand. its sad that no one can stand up to the lady.
9 :
Unfortunately some people just don't believe it till they see it. My stepsis used to make our parents change shirts to hold her babies after they had smoked because her twins had been premature. They later developed allergies and asthma around 3 years old. I thought she was being silly at the time, going overboard, but looking back, she did what she had to do AND put up with some of us thinking she was silly and I'm sure some even had worse thoughts. You do what you have to do to protect your child and perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to get a pamplet or look online for some info that you can print out and give to the relatives. Good Luck!
10 :
While she isn't near as sensitive to it as your daughter, my little girl is bothered by smoke and smoke residue too. (My grandmother and I are too.) I have pretty much given up on convincing people that I know what I'm talking about. They will agree that it doesn't smell good. But it doesn't bother them to the point of being a medical problem, so they don't understand how it could bother someone else to that point. People think I am raising my daughter to be stuck up or that I am taking her complaints too seriously. I will admit that she is a little dramatic about how much it affects her. But I have noticed ... When she spends more time around her father and her uncle (who smoke a lot, but they don't smoke around her) she is more prone to getting upper respiratory infections. Her health is important. I will not compromise it on a regular basis just to avoid being seen as stuckup by the inlaws.
11 :
I simply wouldn't take my child to homes where people have smoked. It's not a big deal, in my opinion. Just don't go. They don't have to understand why, they just have to understand that you won't allow it. Plain and simple.
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